Sherdog.com's Guide to TUF 8

If TUF episodes were like dinner, last week’s dinner ended with a grease fire.

Roll to credits as Junie Allen Browning was being restrained by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira after trying to rip Efrain Escudero apart. Before you start rubbing your hands together and think that Junie will get the boot, he won’t.

Despite the fact that he jumped the Octagon fence, exploding in rage after just receiving his last warning, White did a culpability dance: “He’s lucky Keith’s not here.”

White figured that Keith Kizer, the executive director of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, wouldn’t have stood for Browning’s antics. White even described Browning as having “nine lives.” Yes, nine well-protected lives. How very Jerry Jones-esque of Dana, to wait aside, nobly, for a commission to enforce some discipline.

“Junie got nervous. He’s scared. Believe me, he’s scared,” Nogueira said.

Frank Mir had to pull aside his team member -- who had said, “I can go from chill to kill real fast” -- and give him a talk.

“Sorry don’t mean s---,” Mir told Browning, after explaining to him that he was embarrassing his coach with his actions. “Make it up.”

Browning promised not to make any more scenes, but Mir wasn’t amused.

“Ya’ll better hope I win. If I lose and I’m stuck in this house for however long … me, drunk, every night,” warned Browning.

Shane Primm, who was giving Browning a you-shouldn’t-have-done-that talk, corrected Browning’s prediction: “I don’t think we’d have to deal with you every night. Just two nights because you’d be on a bus on the way back.”

I’ll take Browning at his word. I don’t think for a minute that he was just upset to see a smile on Escudero’s face. I believe that he really does care that much about the UFC and the styles of their various champions. Browning puts the UFC and their best interests first, and that’s why he doesn’t appreciate “lay and pray” fighters.

Moving on, Team Nogueira received a nice surprise when current UFC champ Anderson Silva walked into the door of the training facility. Believe it when I tell you that he was absolutely terrifying even in training. Silva showcased his nasty accuracy and ran circles around the boys. A sparring session with Ryan Bader was magical, as Silva fired off awe-inspiring kicks and shrugged off Bader’s heavy hands.

Back at the house, Krzysztof Soszynski was hankering for another prankering. This time he produced itching powder and was sprinkling the junk all over the beds of Team Nogueira. These guys can’t have the Internet or a TV, so how in the name of cinnamon toothpicks can they find itching powder? What else have they been ordering out of the back of Boys Life magazine, sea monkeys?

The itching powder results in, you guessed it, a sleepless night for some of the red team. Of course they fired back and Kyle Kingsbury and his gang spread tuna, sardines or some kind of disgusting fish all over the beds and walls of their rivals. Most everyone took the retaliation kindly, except Vinicius Magalhaes. Vinny doesn’t like sardines, so he did the most natural thing and whizzed all over Efrain Escudero’s bed. It’s safe to say that so far, Escudero’s having the least enjoyable TUF experience. It’s like the movie “Final Destination” for him -- everything’s out to get him and attacking from all angles. Honestly.

As usual, an adult had to get involved, and this time it was Nogueira. See, being a complete badass and a grown man, Nogueira had difficulty understanding why supposed pro athletes with the opportunity of a lifetime would spend their downtime engaging in juvenile buffoonery instead of resting. He decided he’d seen enough, and he and Coach Al “Stankie” spent their evening trying to negotiate a cease-fire agreement to some uninterested parties. Mir’s team ate dinner while mostly ignoring the opposition’s pleas. You can’t blame them too much for not agreeing to reasonable terms -- they’re bedwetters.

The next day Nogueira revealed the next matchup would be Shane Primm against Eliot Marshall. Primm asked for the fight, but his reasoning was puzzling: “I think he’s actually the most complete fighter here other than myself.”

Why take on anyone that has any possible way of beating you? If given a choice, and you pick the toughest guy to fight, I’m going to reread you the rules.

We could go into the backgrounds of Primm and Marshall, but frankly it would take longer than the fight itself. Primm got cocky early, and after brushing off a kick and a jab from Marshall, he rushed in to close the distance only to get put on his back. From there Marshall was masterful as he passed the guard with ease, something Primm claimed he wouldn’t be able to do. Once Marshall was on top, it was all over. Primm couldn’t shake him off his back, and Marshall just waited him out until he finally slipped his right arm under the chin and finished the rear-naked choke.

Marshall had been brought back onto the show and was elated to prove that he belonged.

“I kind of ran through Shane today,” said Marshall, smiling from the knowledge that Nogueira’s team would be hurting from the loss.

Mir’s team finally had a reason to celebrate. Meanwhile Nogueira said it was his “worst day” on the show because he loved Primm’s attitude. So no Browning blowouts, but it looks like he will be fighting next week. His opponent, Roli Delgado, looks to have even bigger problems as Frank Mir called him out on his jiu-jitsu credentials.

Meow, this cat's got claws!