Thanksgiving Stuffing
Jake Rossen Nov 25, 2010
Carbsgiving is upon us, and you know what a major holiday means for
writers on deadline: labored “theme” pieces that roll out like
defective Toyotas.
Who am I to break tradition? In the spirit of the overeating season, 10 things I’ve gotten more than my fill of:
The Dormant Fedor
Emelianenko Who’s to blame? Who cares? Whether you think
he’s a top heavyweight or not, Emelianenko has a skill set that’s
extremely fun to watch. Benching him when he may not have many
competitive days left is an all-time shame. Memo to the pen jockeys
holding up his return: the guy isn’t immortal. Glove him up
already.
The Self-Aggrandizement of Mauro Ranallo Ranallo remains a popular kickball in this space, but it’s not solely because his delivery is so overcooked; it’s because he will happily derail a broadcast to make sure every. last. Viewer. is aware he’s gotten his facts straight. In the case of last weekend’s Strikeforce card, Ranallo was so busy insisting his interpretation of an eyepoke ruling was accurate that he never stopped to consider it wasn’t. (And it wasn’t.)
The Cup Bank on at least one inadvertent kick to the groin stopping, slowing, or radically altering a fight during every card. Can no one create a shock-absorbent protective cup that’s fit to transmit the force of a kick from below? Scientists are working on invisibility cloaks and we can’t deliver a package back to the locker room safely? Really?
“Grudge” Matches The new model for fight promotion: say dumb things about your opponent, then hug and tell everyone it was just to “hype the fight.” Vince McMahon has poisoned any ring we build.
“The Biggest Fight in…” Promoters promote. But lately, the UFC’s hype machine has been set on “nuclear.” Every main event has been either “the biggest fight in UFC history,” “the biggest fight in [insert division] history,” or “the most important event in all of recorded mankind.” Exhausting.
No Consequences Wanna start a riot on network television? The promotion might reward you with a “grudge” match. Wish AIDS on a rival on Twitter? You rascal, you. Goony behavior doesn’t carry many repercussions.
Celebrity Whining Keith Berry thinks Herschel Walker is an “embarrassment” to MMA; Antonio Silva chuckled at Brock Lesnar’s skill set. They’re missing the point: lame or not, bankable names from other sports bring attention to this one. Laugh if you want, but more eyes mean more attention (and money) for everyone. If I’m a guy struggling to make it, I’m hoping Lesnar or Kimbo Slice are headlining.
The Bob Reilly Army This is an often ugly sport to watch; the jury is still out on whether athletes will have quality-of-life issues similar to football players and boxers. If it’s not your thing, believe me, I get it. But keep your morality confined to your own household and don’t dictate what others want to do (or see) on their own time.
Lists After this one, they’re done. Honest.
Who am I to break tradition? In the spirit of the overeating season, 10 things I’ve gotten more than my fill of:
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The Self-Aggrandizement of Mauro Ranallo Ranallo remains a popular kickball in this space, but it’s not solely because his delivery is so overcooked; it’s because he will happily derail a broadcast to make sure every. last. Viewer. is aware he’s gotten his facts straight. In the case of last weekend’s Strikeforce card, Ranallo was so busy insisting his interpretation of an eyepoke ruling was accurate that he never stopped to consider it wasn’t. (And it wasn’t.)
Fighters Who Think Fans “Don’t Get It” Anderson
Silva and Jon Fitch are
among those who criticized fans for being disappointed with their
performances in the ring -- audiences just don’t understand what
they’re watching, they said. But prizefighting isn’t in a vacuum;
it’s a fight for a prize, and that prize is paid for by ticket and
television sales. If those people aren’t happy, you’ve got a
problem, and condescension isn’t the solution.
The Cup Bank on at least one inadvertent kick to the groin stopping, slowing, or radically altering a fight during every card. Can no one create a shock-absorbent protective cup that’s fit to transmit the force of a kick from below? Scientists are working on invisibility cloaks and we can’t deliver a package back to the locker room safely? Really?
“Grudge” Matches The new model for fight promotion: say dumb things about your opponent, then hug and tell everyone it was just to “hype the fight.” Vince McMahon has poisoned any ring we build.
“The Biggest Fight in…” Promoters promote. But lately, the UFC’s hype machine has been set on “nuclear.” Every main event has been either “the biggest fight in UFC history,” “the biggest fight in [insert division] history,” or “the most important event in all of recorded mankind.” Exhausting.
No Consequences Wanna start a riot on network television? The promotion might reward you with a “grudge” match. Wish AIDS on a rival on Twitter? You rascal, you. Goony behavior doesn’t carry many repercussions.
Celebrity Whining Keith Berry thinks Herschel Walker is an “embarrassment” to MMA; Antonio Silva chuckled at Brock Lesnar’s skill set. They’re missing the point: lame or not, bankable names from other sports bring attention to this one. Laugh if you want, but more eyes mean more attention (and money) for everyone. If I’m a guy struggling to make it, I’m hoping Lesnar or Kimbo Slice are headlining.
The Bob Reilly Army This is an often ugly sport to watch; the jury is still out on whether athletes will have quality-of-life issues similar to football players and boxers. If it’s not your thing, believe me, I get it. But keep your morality confined to your own household and don’t dictate what others want to do (or see) on their own time.
Lists After this one, they’re done. Honest.
